Chapter 13: Learning from the Young World

When I think about my clients that I worked with this summer, I know that there were so many things in them that I saw in myself. One example is my client who couldn't articulate what he was feeling in depth, but he knew that he was sad. I think about myself and I realize that I do the same thing. I think that for me it is a learned behavior because I can remember growing up and when I felt that someone hurt me, I knew that I didn't need to say much because my father would immediately try to make it better for me. I love him dearly for that, but I didn't want trouble so I taught myself not to say much about some things. Even when my heart was broken, I didn't want anyone else to know that I was hurting because I didn't know what they would or could do, if there was anything to be done. I sat in the adolescent playroom with my client that day and I wanted to cry. I couldn't stay there so I decided to talk to my supervisor about what I was feeling and then I had to rush back into the room. When I realized that's what it was, I knew that in that moment I was no different from him and that his inability to articulate himself was almost like a type of control mechanism. It is interesting when we look in the figurative mirror at ourselves in other people.

Another thing that I noticed in my other clients is the notion that when I feel backed up in a corner, I stumble over what I intend to say or I stray from responding. My ADHD client, when he felt too much pressure he would change the subject, go play with one of the toys, or he would simply lie. I don't consider myself to be a bonifide liar, but I know that I tend not to tell all that I intend to say about a given subject out of fear or sometime I simply don't want to go there. It wasn't funny when I was working with that client, but it is funny now. I also noticed in my female clients that they felt that if they were to disclose too much information, they felt that they may be judged or watched too closely. What is funny is the notion that I feel the same way. I try not to tell my business to too many people in depth because I feel that I may be unnecessarily misjudged. In essence, I learned and I am still learning from young people that there are some things that we all struggle with and no matter how grown we think that we get or have gotten, they are traits and situations in us that we are consistently trying to correct.