Chapter 12: The Journey is Almost Over

This summer was eventful. I didn't want to teach summer school this summer because I felt like I needed to shift gears a little. I worked at a university as an advior, I took my practicum class where I counseled three clients, I facilitated support groups for Schizophrenic clients, and I taught an SAT prep course. I was also in the July issue of Essence Magazine for the highlighted book clubs in the country! I was sooo surprised, but excited. To say the least, after all of my work experience, I am tired, but I feel like I have grown tremendously. I worked in first year advising and exploration advising and counseling students seeking coursework in the College of Sciences with social sciences, sociology, psychology, anthropology, and legal studies as majors. I really enjoyed this, but I know that I would like to work in the K-12 school setting; there's more money there. :) My counseling experience, however was much different. In the beginning, I wasn't sure if I could use what I learned in the classroom and take it into the clinic because I was at a place where I felt like I didn't learn very much and I was the only student in the class that had the counseling techniques course almost two years ago. I also felt like, I was never going to use any of this in the school setting. I worked with four children. One child was severely ADHD, one was dealing with divorce, one was mildly retarded and bi-polar, and the last had been abused, kicked-out of school, and suicidal. Amazingly I learned a lot and I grew into my own style as a counselor. I feel like I have done a 360 from who I was when I entered into the program and who I am now. I connected very well with each of my clients as I saw little parts of me or people I knew in each of them. I think that that was important for me to heal. One thing that I saw in one of them was the notion that he couldn't elaborate on what he was feeling. He knew that he was sad, but there were so many things that he was doing in the run of a day that he didn't allow himself to think or focus on the hurt. In that session, when I discovered that in the client, I had to leave the room because I was fighting back tears. The child and the adult in me understood him so closely. I do the exact same thing. I live in survival mode often...that is all that I know how to do. I also related to some of my clients in the fact that they felt vulnerable and unheard sometimes. I'm glad that I had that experience, but I am also glad that it's over.

My other interesting endeavour was working in the mental health facility. I was terrified at first because the place seemed so "sterile." I didn't want anyone to have an episode while we were in group because I felt as though I wouldn't know what to do. I also was a little scared to be there because I thought that it would be a lot like the psychiatric wards that we see on television. After watching other groups there for about a week I felt confident. I realised that the clients were people too, they just had medical concerns and life's strains and struggles caused many of them to have episodes. Thankfully no one had an episode. It was funny, however when I tried to leave the center and I was locked in. I almost had a fit myself! The doors are locked on both sides so that clients won't break out. So I had to calm down quickly to get someone to let me out. I wasn't ready! The experience there made me more thankful for my life and my mind. I am more at ease when the mental healthcare system because as a school counseling student, I didn't have a real concept of it. The SAT class made me appreciate my journey in this life and I discovered that working with children is my calling. My counseling supervior in the clinic told me that I have an amazing balance when working with kids. I can make a child respect me, I can maintain that playful and supportive rapport with them. I looked her in her eyes and I truly believe her. My teaching career was something that I was born to do, but I felt like I was placed there because I tried to escape it. My studies as a counselor were something that my parents encouraged me to do first instead of getting a master's degree in curriculm and instruction, so I felt placed there as well, but I believe that God uses people as uniforms to lead and guide us to the places that he wants us to be sometimes because we can't do it on our own. Ultimately, I know that God has me exactly where he wants me to be placed. I can honestly say that there is nothing that I can't do after this summer. Right now, however I am trying to get myself back into the mode of being Ms. B the English teacher. I have to get my evil diva teacher mind together. Lol. I'm not on my A game, but I will be on it soon. I have a big task ahead of me, I will work both as a teacher and a school counselor at the same time in the fall. More growth and more work, but the journey of going to graduate school for the first time is almost over.