On October 3, 2010, we got engaged! :) I can't say that it was as romantic and dreamy as in the movies, but it was very sweet and simple---our style to say the least. J had asked me months before--casually as I was on the way to the airport--and I said yes. I didn't think that I would get a ring at the time that I did. That part was really a shock to me and exciting. All he said was, "I have something for you..." He's so humble and that's one of the things that I love so much. :)
The interesting part of all of this, however was that I didn't tell anyone at first. I texted my childhood friend and she didn't respond until the next day. I didn't tell my parents and I didn't tell my brother. In fact, I told my brother and the lady who introduced us the next day at the airport and I didn't tell my parents for two weeks!! I have just recently told my friends! It wasn't that I was embarrassed--I was just mortified. I am very protective of my relationship and I didn't want anyone to talk badly about us for any reason. I was also very concerned about not only what my parents would say, but also about my own reaction to their reaction. I was very, very scared....even today.
My parents didn't react the way that I would've hoped and I had seen what things had been like for my little brother during his engagement. I didn't want things to go that way for us. My mother stopped talking to me for some hours and I immediately thought that I had done something wrong. I have come to realize that during our courtship, I had been told so many negative things about myself and so many doors had been closed that I had lost faith in my own ability to make decision for myself. I had begun to have more faith in the words that my parents said or the negative daily news than in God. It's embarrassing, but it is very much the truth. I figured that older people or other people in general had more knowledge than me. I have always been one to take advice before I make decisions because I want to do the right things in my life. That's the way that I was raised--ask knowledgeable people so that you can make an informed decision. I never considered that my heart and my dreams can be as valid as anyone else. Things have not been perfect, but I know the core of my fiance and I can't deny my heart. I am seeing God's favor this year and I'm really grateful.
I am tired of being anxious and nervous after being harassed by my family and I have begun to trust and believe in not only God, but myself. I still have days when I worry about what others will think of me and I am careful about the things that I say, but I am getting better. I think that I feel this way because of how things were when I first told other people that I was dating. That was not a good time for me. My prayer is that I will not continue to be a nervous person and I will see the fullness of God because I believe. I am very, very grateful for the new and good things that are in store for me. It's my turn now. :)
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Chapter 60: It's a Love Story
I was driving home today and I suddenly smiled because I thought about the man that has become the love of my life. Our love story is an interesting one. There are days when I find myself sad and frustrated because it doesn't and hasn't played out like so many other relationships that I have seen. I often have people to come to me and say that my relationship won't work or I need to leave him because of our 8 1/2 hour distance or because he hasn't proposed yet (after 2 years). Amid all of the frustration, I have found that I can still have peace and assurance in what I have. I have always believed in angels, but now I really see that there are angels that help you make it through this life and they may come in packages or at times that you may not expect.
I met my love at a time in my life when I probably was about to give up on many things--men, fake friends, among many other things. I was at the end of a school year when I was teaching part-time at a high school, interning part-time at a middle school, and finishing my last semester in grad school. That very week I found out that I didn't pass my comprehensive exam for graduation and I had had it with my "friends" leaving me out of everything. I remember praying that day and asking God again for a friend that not only genuinely loved me, but he would be happy when he sees that I'm happy, he would be honest, patient, and had a passion for something other than himself. As the song says, "I needed more than just a man, I needed a friend. Someone I can talk to, someone who really listens." I had prayed similar prayers many times before, but somehow this time was different. Within hours, I got a phone call from my old supervisor, now my friend. I remember being very nervouse because no one calls me on my house phone and I thought that it was going to be my crazy cousin that I was trying to avoid. Thank God it wan't my cousin!
She told me that I needed a friend and she had someone in mind. She said--"he's going to call you soon." While she said that I said, I have to ask more questions...like...what's his name? What does he look like? Is he crazy? Does he have kids? She told me what I needed to know, but our conversation was short. She said again, he going to call you soon. Can he call you? I said yes. From that day, we talked everyday for a week and between the phone calls and text messages, we met for the first time for dinner on April 1, 2008--April Fool's Day---go figure. :) While I thought that it was a blind date--he had already seen pictures of me. While I can't say that I was instantly in love with him, I knew that he could be a good friend of mine. I was told that I was sent a friend and not a boyfriend so I didn't think past anything other than a friendship. I prayed for it for awhile and over time, I feel in love with him.
I was so excited that I finally had a man that respected me, he kept his word, he was genuinely sweet, and he cared about me. I thought wow..I am highly favored. But within a few months, he lost his teaching job. Because he, like me, had been thinking of moving to the Charlotte area and no jobs had open here for him, he left. He had gotten another job there. I remember being devastated because I didn't understand, but I know that there was a purpose in it. He decided that he would rather leave me in Florida than move into my house and use me while he was unemployed. As tough as it has been being seperated, I understand that it was the right thing to do. On this side of the situation, I am grateful and I know there is love in his heart for me. Today we still commute to see each other. On some trips, he drives 1 1/2 hours each way to pick me up from the airport or he drives the 8 1/2 hours to Florida to visit me while I fly from time to time to visit him. As I made an attempt in my mind to move, not only did I face opposition from my family, the economy completely dropped out of the sky. After a year of living in N. Carolina, he lost his job again. Again, I was devasted because I didn't know what to do, but I did know that I needed to be a consistent force of support for him. I assumed that loosing his job was as devastating for him as him moving was for me. I remember feeling like my breath had been taken away and that no one cared or understood. I wanted so badly for him to cry just like I cried and I wanted someone to say that they understood or that they would be there for me through all of this--but no one did. I supposed that's exactly how he felt---numb. Amid all that people say about what they believe you should do or shouldn't do, I have learned that you have to be faithful not only to yourself, but believe in your situation. That's all that I can do.
This year has been hard because of the unemployment and having to shift gears because of our lack of funds. My confidence level has dropped a bit and again, I have been consistently asked, why haven't you gotten a ring yet. I wish that I could scream and say that we are doing the best that we can right now to survive and that I know that it's coming, but people can be rude sometimes. I simply want to scream---what would you do?! I know that people say that they would do just about anything when the situation isn't them, but if the tables did turn, they would do things completely different than they imagined. It's really hard dreaming a dream and no one believes you and no one can see what you can. I'm sure that is what Ben Franklin thought when when he was creating his inventions or when President Obama became president.
As I consider what the next step should be, it makes me frustrated and sometimes nervous, but I know that there is a reason for all of this. I heard God tell me to just trust Him. That's all that I can do. I had to ask myself the question, am I afraid more of what other people will say or am I more afraid of the God I serve. The fear of the Lord should hold more prescedence than anything. I also have confirmation from God that he is the man that I should marry. With that hope and assurance, I am running forward. Today, my honey has two jobs and he is in school to become a respiratory therapist. I trust him and I trust my God. I may not know what tomorrow holds, but I do know that it will be ok. Now it's just a matter of making my own moves.
I remember that right as the economy has sinking, I had a dream that everything around me was collapsing. The one thing that I do know is that my man was there with me in my dream and he was the only person holding on to me as I screamed as we watched everything crumble around us. I remember that he held me without flinching or even being phased about what was happening. That dream gave me a little assurance that he wouldn't be like some of the other people that I have known in my life. He would stick around.
I can always get mad or annoyed because my love story doesn't look like my friends. I didn't get married shortly after meeting him. I don't have a rich boyfriend that can buy me extravagant things, but I do have a man that loves me. We can't afford to go to on expensive trips or to spend money on expensive pictures, but we do have a great time together. He is a great person and we are compatible. We may not always have money, but we are happy together. That's all that I know. Our love story is far from complete, but what I do know is that we have survived a lot together in just two years. I am thankful for the journey because it has definitely been a test of my faith. I can't say the same for other people. Some women can meet a man and can immediately fall in love and get married without having as many roadblocks as we have. I now understand that we all have our crosses to bear and just because some people haven't had theirs or it's not visible, it doesn't mean that it hasn't happened or that it won't happen. Ultimately, I have grown as a person and once again, I am much stronger than I thought. I thank God for my love.
I met my love at a time in my life when I probably was about to give up on many things--men, fake friends, among many other things. I was at the end of a school year when I was teaching part-time at a high school, interning part-time at a middle school, and finishing my last semester in grad school. That very week I found out that I didn't pass my comprehensive exam for graduation and I had had it with my "friends" leaving me out of everything. I remember praying that day and asking God again for a friend that not only genuinely loved me, but he would be happy when he sees that I'm happy, he would be honest, patient, and had a passion for something other than himself. As the song says, "I needed more than just a man, I needed a friend. Someone I can talk to, someone who really listens." I had prayed similar prayers many times before, but somehow this time was different. Within hours, I got a phone call from my old supervisor, now my friend. I remember being very nervouse because no one calls me on my house phone and I thought that it was going to be my crazy cousin that I was trying to avoid. Thank God it wan't my cousin!
She told me that I needed a friend and she had someone in mind. She said--"he's going to call you soon." While she said that I said, I have to ask more questions...like...what's his name? What does he look like? Is he crazy? Does he have kids? She told me what I needed to know, but our conversation was short. She said again, he going to call you soon. Can he call you? I said yes. From that day, we talked everyday for a week and between the phone calls and text messages, we met for the first time for dinner on April 1, 2008--April Fool's Day---go figure. :) While I thought that it was a blind date--he had already seen pictures of me. While I can't say that I was instantly in love with him, I knew that he could be a good friend of mine. I was told that I was sent a friend and not a boyfriend so I didn't think past anything other than a friendship. I prayed for it for awhile and over time, I feel in love with him.
I was so excited that I finally had a man that respected me, he kept his word, he was genuinely sweet, and he cared about me. I thought wow..I am highly favored. But within a few months, he lost his teaching job. Because he, like me, had been thinking of moving to the Charlotte area and no jobs had open here for him, he left. He had gotten another job there. I remember being devastated because I didn't understand, but I know that there was a purpose in it. He decided that he would rather leave me in Florida than move into my house and use me while he was unemployed. As tough as it has been being seperated, I understand that it was the right thing to do. On this side of the situation, I am grateful and I know there is love in his heart for me. Today we still commute to see each other. On some trips, he drives 1 1/2 hours each way to pick me up from the airport or he drives the 8 1/2 hours to Florida to visit me while I fly from time to time to visit him. As I made an attempt in my mind to move, not only did I face opposition from my family, the economy completely dropped out of the sky. After a year of living in N. Carolina, he lost his job again. Again, I was devasted because I didn't know what to do, but I did know that I needed to be a consistent force of support for him. I assumed that loosing his job was as devastating for him as him moving was for me. I remember feeling like my breath had been taken away and that no one cared or understood. I wanted so badly for him to cry just like I cried and I wanted someone to say that they understood or that they would be there for me through all of this--but no one did. I supposed that's exactly how he felt---numb. Amid all that people say about what they believe you should do or shouldn't do, I have learned that you have to be faithful not only to yourself, but believe in your situation. That's all that I can do.
This year has been hard because of the unemployment and having to shift gears because of our lack of funds. My confidence level has dropped a bit and again, I have been consistently asked, why haven't you gotten a ring yet. I wish that I could scream and say that we are doing the best that we can right now to survive and that I know that it's coming, but people can be rude sometimes. I simply want to scream---what would you do?! I know that people say that they would do just about anything when the situation isn't them, but if the tables did turn, they would do things completely different than they imagined. It's really hard dreaming a dream and no one believes you and no one can see what you can. I'm sure that is what Ben Franklin thought when when he was creating his inventions or when President Obama became president.
As I consider what the next step should be, it makes me frustrated and sometimes nervous, but I know that there is a reason for all of this. I heard God tell me to just trust Him. That's all that I can do. I had to ask myself the question, am I afraid more of what other people will say or am I more afraid of the God I serve. The fear of the Lord should hold more prescedence than anything. I also have confirmation from God that he is the man that I should marry. With that hope and assurance, I am running forward. Today, my honey has two jobs and he is in school to become a respiratory therapist. I trust him and I trust my God. I may not know what tomorrow holds, but I do know that it will be ok. Now it's just a matter of making my own moves.
I remember that right as the economy has sinking, I had a dream that everything around me was collapsing. The one thing that I do know is that my man was there with me in my dream and he was the only person holding on to me as I screamed as we watched everything crumble around us. I remember that he held me without flinching or even being phased about what was happening. That dream gave me a little assurance that he wouldn't be like some of the other people that I have known in my life. He would stick around.
I can always get mad or annoyed because my love story doesn't look like my friends. I didn't get married shortly after meeting him. I don't have a rich boyfriend that can buy me extravagant things, but I do have a man that loves me. We can't afford to go to on expensive trips or to spend money on expensive pictures, but we do have a great time together. He is a great person and we are compatible. We may not always have money, but we are happy together. That's all that I know. Our love story is far from complete, but what I do know is that we have survived a lot together in just two years. I am thankful for the journey because it has definitely been a test of my faith. I can't say the same for other people. Some women can meet a man and can immediately fall in love and get married without having as many roadblocks as we have. I now understand that we all have our crosses to bear and just because some people haven't had theirs or it's not visible, it doesn't mean that it hasn't happened or that it won't happen. Ultimately, I have grown as a person and once again, I am much stronger than I thought. I thank God for my love.
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