I went back to work as a teacher three days ago. This year I am more confident in my craft as a teacher and I can honestly say that I am truly gifted at what I do. I believe that being an educator is part of my calling from God. I am also a school counseling intern at the school that I work at. What I found intersting, and I have always felt this way, is that I primarily have the most problems with the adults that I work with--not the high school students. I am 25 years old and I have been teaching for 4 years now. I have always been the "young one" so to speak. My problem, especially working in a new department is that I feel dupped and underminded already. I get the impression from my co-workers that they think that I am afraid of everything and that I am inexperienced in life, primarily because I am quiet, I smile often, and I am soft-spoken. What I find funny is that being quiet and soft-spoken is part of my personality. I am quite a force when it comes to working in my own classroom. The children know what the deal is and it is extremely funny to me when doubters come into my room and see order and the children are afraid to get up to do things because they know how I act. It is very true when it was said that you should never judge a book by its cover or a gift by its wrapping because you never know when you are entertaining angels.
It is amazing to me when women say that this person or that person is weak. I have been called weak before or the question is "I don't see how you did that because I would have...." or "You stupid for that because I would have..." I don't think that that is a sign of weakness at all. The bible says to watch your words, treat others like you want to be treated and to be quick to forgive and slow to anger, right? So why is it that when an individual does this we as people look at it as a sign of weakness? Why do people confess that they love Jesus but refuse to live like him? Jesus as a man loved even the dumbest and most unlikely people and he endured unfair treatment because he knew who held his hand. It is not always pleasant or the best idea to endure unjust treatment, but I believe that God is pleased when you do what you have to do without having to be rude or cause a rucus. It is kinda like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcom X. Of the two which do we commemorate or celebrate the most...Dr. King. He was the more non-violent one right? That is hillarious for people to believe that the strongest women are those who make the most noise and have to fight every battle toe to toe. These people are often called the "high maintenance" women.
I had an epiphany while was riding home from class tonight. I recognized why women can often come off as "high maintenance" or quick to anger. Often we are trying to uphold a front or the whole attitude that you're not going to run over me or you are not going to get the last laugh because we want the world to know that we are strong. I tend to believe that it is quite different. Strength is not something that you have to go out and broadcast--it just is. No one ever questions buildings and bridges on a daily basis to see if they are strong enough---they just simply do thier jobs. They stand still and they ultimately let God do what he does best. In my opinion, people should be the same way. We shouldn't walk around boasting about how strong we are--we should just do it. That is what I think a true woman is, one who uniquely stands on her own without definition, but with assurance and tenacity. If only the strong survive, she should be the last one standing! That is me. When everyone else would have or has long quit, I have held on no matter what happens or has happened. That is what a conqueror, a survivor, and a real woman does. Truthfully, I think that it's a cop out when we have to be vocal about whether we think someone else is strong enough or "real" enough. Sometimes we do things like this because we don't want the attention on ourselves--so we talk about others before other people can get a chance to talk about us.
I carry myself well and I have had to fight many battles that I have never uttered to other people. I enjoy the fact that because I am not vocal about those things that have tried to bring me down in my life, other people tend to believe that I am not strong enough or in the words of one of my bosses..."not ready." (Of course, I proved to him that I was indeed ready as I quietly got another job and had my recruiter to call him to say "I have B and we are taking her away. She starts with me on Monday." ) So I say all of this to say that it's cool. Today I had a good day as a teacher, but as an intern I wanted to scream and cry because I felt like I was being underminded and asked to do things that I was never taught and because I didn't know it was almost as though I was looked upon as being weak. I am truly the definition of a fighter and a real woman. Not because of what I demand, but because of how I live. I try to live Christian-like, eventhough it gets hard sometimes. Some people seem like they are trying to make me miss heaven, but it's all good. I just need to get over this hurdle so that I can move on. At this point, after 4 years, I am ready for a new school. But, I have to say, as I tend to say often instead of "going along, to get along," I have to "get along, to go along" so that I can continue to aim higher.
Above all, I have remembered not only the fact that I love helping children, but the other reason why I like teaching. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be famous and because I am a quite person, I wanted to have a chance for everyone to one day to just listen to me. Teaching is my platform to harbor my closet acting career! For the first time in my life when I became a teacher I had a chance to speak and people would willfully listen. I had become an actress! All in all, I'm glad that I became a teacher prior to becoming a counselor because I understand how the system and the business of a school works and I know how to interact with teachers, parents, and students. It has made me a better person...but I digress. There's more to come...
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