In the midst of all the craziness that has happened this year, there have been a lot of good happenings for me lately. Today was my last day at my internship site. I can't describe the way that I felt. It was a normal day for the most part, I worked hard and got a lot accomplished. It was interesting that it strangely felt so much like any other day. I didn't sense a complete feeling of ending. Earlier this week, the secretarial staff, the counselors, and the administrators gave me a going away party. I was truly shocked!!!! I definately wasn't expecting that! I had a whole chocolate cake, white chocolate roses, and a gift with a card. Total surprise. After feeling unwanted, underqualified, ignored, and over-worked, it felt good to know that someone other than family thought highly of me and took the time out to do something nice for me without wanting something in return. These people looked out for me in ways that I couldn't have imagined! Thank God. Today on the last day, it was really interesting to see that when I was about to leave that everyone in the office came out to give me hugs and well wishes. Even the principal came out to give me a hug and send me well wishes! The principal. That is unheard of. It just felt really good. I am amazed at myself because I didn't cry after my last day of class or when I got my cap and gown, but for some reason, I cried when I left the internship site. I'm not sure if it is because of a feeling of relief after all of the stress or because I will genuinely miss the people there. I know that each day when I go to my teaching job, I don't feel the same way. The people there are strikingly different. Whatever the reason may be, I'm not sure of, but I'm soo grateful to have had this experience. I learned that I can really use some of the things that I learned in school. You can really be a counselor in a world where people don't really counsel. I'm so glad that I stepped out on faith and for this, I am glad that I did the right thing. I guess if I never felt so hurt and unappreciated from my co-workers at the high school, I wouldn't have tried to move on to another school. It's crazy, but thank God for the stress.
On another note, I'm trying to do the right thing in terms of my relationships with men. I met a young man that I happen to like very much...which is very new to me. I'm trying to take things slowly because I'm so worried about being hurt again or even possibly breaking someone else's heart. I don't want to do that. I don't think that it's fair, neither is it right. He is wonderful so far. He's genuinely sweet, very intelligent, passionate about what he loves, and he has a vision for his life. I really like that. He's also a lot like me. It is very weird. To be honest, I wasn't initially physically attracted to him. I'm not sure if I gave myself time to look at him in that regard as he was sent to me by one of my supervisors from college. I think she felt a little bad for me given all of the years of telling her that I didn't have a man or her hearing about all of the craziness in my life in that area. She told me that she sent me a friend as she wasn't sure if he was my type. But after I gave myself time to think about it and I looked at him, I realized that I really do like him. I prayed to be able to understand what I am thinking and I also prayed for a man that I was attracted to. I just asked God to help me to do the right thing. So far, I am enjoying the ride! I enjoy his company and I have a lot of fun with him. I am thankful for this. I say all of that to say, that I am sincerely trying to do the right thing. It is so easy to be bitter and frustrated and numb because of mistreatment or bad relationships so I am trying my hardest not to be. Whatever happens with this at this stage in my life is okay. It just feels good to be appreciated and to be in good company. Maybe this is a lesson for me...I don't know, but I like this. God is good!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Chapter 36: A Little Bit of This and a Little Bit of That
Okay. Today I have a whole lot of different and in short, random things to say. After being on an internet restriction for several weeks, there have been several things that have happened in that time. So here it goes....
1) I got a new car!!!!!! After several back-to-back problems with the Sentra. I had to put her to bed. It was rather sad for me, however as I felt that I was losing a part of my family. The Sentra was my high school graduation gift. She took me to high school graduation, to junior college, to The University of Florida, it went along on my journey to pledge a sorority in undergrad, it took me to graduate school at The University of Central Florida, to my first professional job, and on my adventure to purchase my first home. We went through a lot! It was sad however that I had to sell her, but I really didn't get a chance to say good-bye, so to speak. I bought my new car...Rolla...a 2009 Corolla on March 9, but I hadn't sold or traded in the Sentra yet. I went to one dealership and only test drove three cars and I made a decision. My parents and Monday our dog went with me to make the decision as I was feeling more apprehensive about buying a car than I did in buying a house. :) So at that point I had two cars, but I needed to sell the other to make some more money for the down payment. So my schedule is very hectic and I knew that the following day, a Monday, would be the smartest day for me to sell the other car. After buying the car on Sunday, I took the Sentra to be washed and while I was doing that I was having a very deep and very much needed conversation with a male friend of mine. In short, it was one of those, once in a lifetime conversations that I knew had a purpose that day. I just wished I could've focused more on what I was doing at the moment. The next day, I went to both of my jobs and then I rushed to take the car to sell it. It was a very simple process, but as I went to finish the sale, I noticed that I left the car title at home. I went home to get it and returned. I walked away from the car thinking that I would get a chance to "say good-bye" but the people at the car place told me that they would remove the tag for me and to continue some of the paperwork. I thought that when I finished that the car would still be there...and it wasn't! I was so sad. I know that it sounds crazy, but it was like losing a friend because my car and I were always together. I don't have many friends and because I am always on the go, she had become like a friend. I felt the same as I felt when one of my childhood pets was killed. Hmmm. I am thankful however that this go around, I was able to buy myself a vehicle that is exactly 10 years younger that my other car. This one was my graduation gift to myself this time. I'm proud of me! I'm very broke, but I am so very thankful for it.
2) I didn't pass my exit exam to graduate. I was devistated as I was the only one in my internship class that didn't pass. If you can imagine sitting in an office at work in tears as my internship supervisor calls me to tell me that I ddin't pass. I didn't know whether to be angry or sad. Then I had to turn around and go to class to receive the hard copy of the scores. I was really sad because I knew that I did the best that I could especially considering that I work two part-time jobs as a teacher 6 days a week, intern and take two classes. My mind is really doing all it can. At this point, I am asked to take the exam again and I am preparing, but I am very pissed at how the University is handling things. In response, I wrote a letter to the director of the department as well as sent copies to several of my professors as I know that when I call, they will refer me to email. I hope this helps! Because in the event that anything goes wrong, I am going to have a serious problem. I am going to be faithful and believe, however that I will pass this time. I just don't appreciate how things are handled in regards to the test itself. Some of those things on the test I had never seen before. Another thing that makes me go hmmmm....
3) I learn everyday who my friends are. It is amazing to me that I can show compassion to another person and he or she doesn't do the same for me unless I am in a bind and I can't help myself. I wanted to see Mary J. Blige and Jay-Z in concert and I told a friend of mine and he said okay, let's go. So I emailed him the next day and I told him that when he gets ready to buy the tickets to let me know so that I could give him the money. He ignored me. So I thought that he might've bought tickets already. For that reason, I called around and some said no and others were like o we all decided to buy tickets together....we didn't know you wanted to go. Mind you, no one asked me! It makes me sad to know that people who are supposed to be mind friends continually count me out. One of the girls actually had the gaul to leave me a message to say that she didn't know that I wanted to go, but proceeded to tell me that there was a job fair in Atlanta that she wanted to go to...this is usually followed by her asking me to drive. I was angry and sad all at the same time. This is not the first time and after awhile I was like I'll be forgiving. But it can be hard. I have to do what makes me happy. Regardless, I have to be true to me, however.
4) I have been thinking a lot about the presidential elections particularly on the democratic end of the race, but I will save those thoughts for another day and another chapter.
5) It is amazing to me that when people meet me that they are intrigued by me. I like that feeling, but it is amazing that I have known some people for years and they don't feel that same intrigue...even when I first met them. It may be true that all of those things that I speak about myself, people are finally seeing. :)
6) Budget cuts in education in Florida? What kind of mess is this....it is going to be really sad around here....just another thing to make me say hmmmm....
7) In spite of all that is going on, I see a lot of positive things that are going on or about to go on in my life. I am excited and very proud of myself after looking over my life and my evolution. My family is going through a lot, but we are prayful. I refuse to believe that none of these things have a purpose. That would be crazy to believe that. God is still good!!!
I said it would be a lot right....well until the next go around... I'm out!
1) I got a new car!!!!!! After several back-to-back problems with the Sentra. I had to put her to bed. It was rather sad for me, however as I felt that I was losing a part of my family. The Sentra was my high school graduation gift. She took me to high school graduation, to junior college, to The University of Florida, it went along on my journey to pledge a sorority in undergrad, it took me to graduate school at The University of Central Florida, to my first professional job, and on my adventure to purchase my first home. We went through a lot! It was sad however that I had to sell her, but I really didn't get a chance to say good-bye, so to speak. I bought my new car...Rolla...a 2009 Corolla on March 9, but I hadn't sold or traded in the Sentra yet. I went to one dealership and only test drove three cars and I made a decision. My parents and Monday our dog went with me to make the decision as I was feeling more apprehensive about buying a car than I did in buying a house. :) So at that point I had two cars, but I needed to sell the other to make some more money for the down payment. So my schedule is very hectic and I knew that the following day, a Monday, would be the smartest day for me to sell the other car. After buying the car on Sunday, I took the Sentra to be washed and while I was doing that I was having a very deep and very much needed conversation with a male friend of mine. In short, it was one of those, once in a lifetime conversations that I knew had a purpose that day. I just wished I could've focused more on what I was doing at the moment. The next day, I went to both of my jobs and then I rushed to take the car to sell it. It was a very simple process, but as I went to finish the sale, I noticed that I left the car title at home. I went home to get it and returned. I walked away from the car thinking that I would get a chance to "say good-bye" but the people at the car place told me that they would remove the tag for me and to continue some of the paperwork. I thought that when I finished that the car would still be there...and it wasn't! I was so sad. I know that it sounds crazy, but it was like losing a friend because my car and I were always together. I don't have many friends and because I am always on the go, she had become like a friend. I felt the same as I felt when one of my childhood pets was killed. Hmmm. I am thankful however that this go around, I was able to buy myself a vehicle that is exactly 10 years younger that my other car. This one was my graduation gift to myself this time. I'm proud of me! I'm very broke, but I am so very thankful for it.
2) I didn't pass my exit exam to graduate. I was devistated as I was the only one in my internship class that didn't pass. If you can imagine sitting in an office at work in tears as my internship supervisor calls me to tell me that I ddin't pass. I didn't know whether to be angry or sad. Then I had to turn around and go to class to receive the hard copy of the scores. I was really sad because I knew that I did the best that I could especially considering that I work two part-time jobs as a teacher 6 days a week, intern and take two classes. My mind is really doing all it can. At this point, I am asked to take the exam again and I am preparing, but I am very pissed at how the University is handling things. In response, I wrote a letter to the director of the department as well as sent copies to several of my professors as I know that when I call, they will refer me to email. I hope this helps! Because in the event that anything goes wrong, I am going to have a serious problem. I am going to be faithful and believe, however that I will pass this time. I just don't appreciate how things are handled in regards to the test itself. Some of those things on the test I had never seen before. Another thing that makes me go hmmmm....
3) I learn everyday who my friends are. It is amazing to me that I can show compassion to another person and he or she doesn't do the same for me unless I am in a bind and I can't help myself. I wanted to see Mary J. Blige and Jay-Z in concert and I told a friend of mine and he said okay, let's go. So I emailed him the next day and I told him that when he gets ready to buy the tickets to let me know so that I could give him the money. He ignored me. So I thought that he might've bought tickets already. For that reason, I called around and some said no and others were like o we all decided to buy tickets together....we didn't know you wanted to go. Mind you, no one asked me! It makes me sad to know that people who are supposed to be mind friends continually count me out. One of the girls actually had the gaul to leave me a message to say that she didn't know that I wanted to go, but proceeded to tell me that there was a job fair in Atlanta that she wanted to go to...this is usually followed by her asking me to drive. I was angry and sad all at the same time. This is not the first time and after awhile I was like I'll be forgiving. But it can be hard. I have to do what makes me happy. Regardless, I have to be true to me, however.
4) I have been thinking a lot about the presidential elections particularly on the democratic end of the race, but I will save those thoughts for another day and another chapter.
5) It is amazing to me that when people meet me that they are intrigued by me. I like that feeling, but it is amazing that I have known some people for years and they don't feel that same intrigue...even when I first met them. It may be true that all of those things that I speak about myself, people are finally seeing. :)
6) Budget cuts in education in Florida? What kind of mess is this....it is going to be really sad around here....just another thing to make me say hmmmm....
7) In spite of all that is going on, I see a lot of positive things that are going on or about to go on in my life. I am excited and very proud of myself after looking over my life and my evolution. My family is going through a lot, but we are prayful. I refuse to believe that none of these things have a purpose. That would be crazy to believe that. God is still good!!!
I said it would be a lot right....well until the next go around... I'm out!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)