Chapter 18: It Couldn't Have Been Me...or Could It?

Today I listened to my 2 favorite radio shows and I listened to the commentary about Juanita Bynum and her husband's public domestic dispute in Georgia. What I find interesting about all of this is the fact that because she and her husband we both ministers...well known ministers, many people have been on a consistent rampage about this. The sad part is that there are women who are abused daily whether it is physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, why are they so different other than the fame. They are no different from everyone else because they are just as we are--people and not GOD. It is very sad because regardless of what the situation was, it is not right for her husband to beat her, choke her, and stump her, especially in public. When I think about some of the things that I hear, I often hear about women saying that "It couldn't be me because I would have..." and "women who live like this want to be there because they don't get out of the relationship." My problem with this is the fact that anything can happen to anyone for any reason at any time. I don't care how strong you think you are even some of the strongest women get caught up; not because they want to, but because they can't pull themselves out. That doesn't make you less than a women or anything. Yes, there are signs and when you learn how to figure them out and see them, things make better sense, but we shouldn't down other women for the things that they may go through. It's kinda like being on drugs, you may know that it's bad, but there is something there that still feels good. It may even be that the person is waiting for someone else, but there is no one else and they can feel a sense of defeat. When you feel like that--or maybe even feel depressed it takes you to a whole 'nother level of a low. That is another reason women may not leave. In a lot of situations, it is simply because it's not that easy to get away from either.

I hate hypocrites. In a conversation that I had with a group of women and young ladies we talked about getting caught up and how men operate. By now I can say that I got the game and that hindsight is 20/20, but I can't forget about the woman that I used to be. I hate when women bash other women for doing some of the same things that they once did. That's like formally being a whore and then bashing other whores because now you've grown up. You have to remember the frame of mind that you used to have and think about ways you can help somebody else who may still be in that mindset. Don't throw stones at her because you think that you've been saved and you are above her now. That, to me, is a sign of immaturity. I think that haters and hypocrites are too full of themselves.

I have been in abusive relationships before and I have been able to escape, but a good example for me would be the fact that one of the men that was abusive had all of the other characteristics that I liked and her reminded me of my father. For that reason, I saw past his occasional slick comments and I focused on the positive. The "moment of truth" came when he cursed me out and he told me that he wasn't doing this for his health. He was coming to see me and that he needed for me to make out to see him. Not to mention the open bottle of beer that I saw in his truck one evening. And that's just one of the instances with one of the men. So I say that to say that you can have a lot of criticism from other people, but until it's them, they have little room to criticize. To the other women in the world who listen to thier girlfriends talk about the men in thier lives who may be abusive please don't encourage your girl to look at the positive things in him and don't listen to her when she's hurting and say that you've had worse. There is nothing worse than hearing a friend tell you that they have had worse and you are hurting and simply need someone to listen and possibly help you. Emotional pain is like a bleeding cut, it needs attention too. I am not advocating domestic violence, neither am I saying that anyone should stay in situations like that, but I am saying that people do what people do and no one is exempt from anything regardless of how strong you are or who you are. All in all, abuse on all levels is wrong, but as people we need to be willing to help each other deal with our own lives and bring each other up and not to knock each other back down. It sounds so clichesh, but we need to listen and help heal each other. People shouldn't be hitting each other or verbally or emotionally abusing people like that. I know that it sounds fairy tale like, but it can happen.