Chapter 20: Church People...

I have the hardest time dealing with church people. It is so ironic that I identify as a "church girl," but I don't feel that I am of the same intellect or the same mindframe as the common church person. Today in Singles' Ministry I decided to go to the meeting for the first time after the retreat in June. This was my first time going as I had classes on the days that the meetings were held. Today I realized again why I tend to do things in the church alone. I know that fellowship is important, but I also realize that you have to be around the right people in order for that to come to pass. I mentioned in the meeting that as a single person I am struggling with being able to see the big picture in this race that we call life. I understand that the people there were trying to be helpful and encouraging, but it felt like it was an attack. I'm not sure if I felt this way because I typically don't contribute to conversations in open forum like that or whether I felt alone as a young person in the room with older persons...I don't know. I left feeling as a part of the group so to speak, but I also felt as though I have to question whether I would make this a part of my monthly routine to attend the meetings. I realize that part of my problem is that while I believe that my relationship with my heavenly father is good, I know that I have a problem with people who tend to believe that they are "holier than thou" or that they are so spiritually in tack that they are above you. I am working on it, but when I feel like I am being attacked I tend to move away and ultimately want to be alone. It has been difficult to look for churches for the past year, not because I am a heathen or anything, but I am looking for a place in which I can hear the Word and learn from it and apply it to my life as well as a church that I can fellowship with like-minded and well-minded people. So far I have been able to find one and not the other; finding both is difficult. I have heard something that is telling me about one church, but sometimes I wonder whether I heard myself or whether I heard the Lord. It has been a constant prayer of mine for a while. If you are reading this please pray for me as you pray for yourself. I am secure in my own relationship with my heavenly father, but I would like to be in a place that I feel that I will not be among "church people" as I define them--the often overly critical and/or hypocritical people.