Chapter 29: The Power of Words...and Actions

I am an English teacher and a published writer. I have always loved words, primarily because I know that they carry so much weight. I have also admired other writers because of thier honesty and the fact that often many times one can write something and be totally anonymous--allowing their words to represent not only themselves, but the invisible person for whom they embody. The Bible says that the power of life and death are in the power of the tounge. If we, as people know as much, why do we spend so much time harming others. I am writing this after being awakened by my own thoughts in the middle of the night. I noticed that I am very careful when I choose my words. I try not to be judgemental of other people when they speak to me as I'm sure that I can be or that I am one step away from being in thier situation. I also try to be empathetic to everyone...most of the time because everyone is running around in the world trying to matter. I also know what it feels like to question why someone behaved or spoke in the fashion that they do. Mere words, quite frankly, can hurt like hell.

I was in bed and I was thinking about the fact that I just realized that I was an adult, last year I think. I don't mean this is the physical sense or in the numerical sense. I mean this is a figurative way...in a manner that challenged what I thought adulthood was. Here I am, I own my own home, I have earned tenure as a high school teacher--no doubt, I have two degrees and I am working on the third, and I am able to stand on my own--without a man. I am "for real and grown," yet in my mind, I don't feel grown. I have written about what it means to be an adult and what it means to be strong, both of which in my heart, I know that I embody, but sometimes it is not only the words in which we use to describe ourselves that cause us to think or identify, sadly it is also the words that we hear about ourselves or the words we are given that cause us to think or identify. It became clear to me that repeatedly, I am consistently reminded that I am young.

Sometimes, it can be considered cute when someone says "o...you're YOUNG!" In fact, I am the youngest person in my circle and one of the youngest at my job. I enjoy the fact that I am young and have accomplished so much in such a small amount of time, but I hate being reminded that I look young or quite simply that I am young. Older people like to believe that everyone who is young can be quite naive or stupid, to put it more clearly. While I agree with this to a degree with some cases, I know that indeed I am not as ignorant as many people my age. Because I look young I hear things like "o, you look like a child yourself. I bet those kids don't respect you." When I hear things like that, I get really articulate and say, "well, the students know exactly who I am and what I stand for. It is the adults who are the most ignorant and less tactful." Even when I am told, you look just like one of the students, I say thank you. It takes the sting out of what I am told and sprinkles it back to the giver. I say all of that to say, it is one thing to mention that you shouldn't allow someone else to define you, but it is another to note that all of us have been labeled at some point and unfortunately, we can be told negative things repeatedly and these things can become part of our own thinking. I didn't know that I was grown, not because I wasn't doing adult things, in fact I have been doing so since I was 16, I didn't know because for me, there was no bridge between my teenage years and adulthood--it all simply flowed together without any breaks. Don't get me wrong, I know exactly who I am and if I didn't know that, I know exactly who I am not. I know my strength and my potential as well. No can define you without your own consent, but it is interesting how the words and behaviors of other can cause you to think about your own identity.

Another thing that I noticed is that often we can be sad about words that others tell us and sometimes these things can have more of a sting than they intended to have or that we intended to allow them to have on us. It hurts to know that I know very few people who aren't very judgemental. For that reason, I am very careful about the things that I say and the counsel that I seek. In my heart, I am a little afraid that someone will say something hurtful to me about something that I can't control. I, in turn, will probably go there and say something offensive back...with the intent to hurt. I know that I would be hypocritical if I did so..."two stupids don't make a smart" of course! In 2007, I dealt with several things that I knew I couldn't tell to anyone, not because I didn't want to, but because I was afraid. I didn't feel like hearing...well I would have done this or that, or I have had worse, or any other phrase that would indicate that what I felt wasn't warranted. The phrase "what a friend we have in Jesus" never meant so much until last year. I don't mean to say that to be rude or trite, but mean that to say that in the process of maturation, it is important to know to whom to talk about what and what to talk about with whom. I truly believe we should watch what we say to others. It is simply a little lesson and scripture in the Bible that says "let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight. O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer." The words that come from your mouth are not only yours, but they are also indicative of the content of your character and what is truly in your heart. The real person comes out at some of the weirdest times. Our actions do the same thing.

I have learned the people often behave in the manner in which they have been treated, but I also know that we don't think about what our actions say to other people. A good example is when I had a date with a man once. Since it was a "blockbuster night" at my house, I cooked dinner and cleaned my house. I was excited as I don't get many visitors and I was glad that all of my food turned out well....I cooked a lot of food. Sadly, however he didn't come. He didn't even call. I had to call him to make sure that everything was okay and legit and then to say what I needed to say. I was sad because I was so excited about having a visitor, but more strikingly, he said in his actions, that I wasn't important to him that day. Another example is when no one showed up to my initial housewarming party, it was like saying that I wasn't important at the time. I cannot be bitter because people can only be who they are and sometimes we don't know the messages that we send, but I will say that in the new year I will continue to try to treat others in the fashion that I want to be treated. Ghandi said "We must be the change that we want to see in the world." I would like to hope that I strive for and accomplish that often. I am not perfect, but I try to do what is right. I know that the way of the world is that people will hurt one another intentionally or unintentionally, but we should be careful with our speech and our actions.