Chapter 34: This is what I want...

After all that I have been through in 26 years in terms of relationships, I have an interesting perspective of the things that are important to me. I have learned not to talk about being single as much as I used to, primarily because most of the people that I know are married, engaged, or dating. I laugh inside when I hear folks say, well I lived on my own until I was 23 or I got married at 21 and I had to wait for sooo long. Whether it is waiting for someone in the world to love you due to the missing element of familial love or love in friendship or waiting for romantic love, having to wait can be frustrating and no one understands more than you when it is you. My wait has not only been for a romantic love, but for friendship with real, like minded, like speed people. Sometimes the devil creeps up and makes me feel like I will never find this, but have to remember who God is. I know that people like me will be blessed. It is so easy to feel less than when others give you the impression that it is so. Folk will have you thinking that you are inadequate because they are inadequate. So with respect to that, here is what I want in a relationship with a man...these are slightly different from my list of what the "perfect" man looks like.
1. I want to be in a relationship in which I get excited to see his face and be in his presence. I want to enjoy each moment not solely because of attraction, but because he's good company. I want to be able to look at the stars in the grass or hold him or him hold me as we watch TV...even re-runs. Not only on occasions, but consistantly. I want him to feel the same way when he's with me.

2. I want a relationship in which I feel safe. Safe to be myself and safe to tell him what I really feel without being judged. I wish for him to be my best friend. I don't want to have to worry about mental illness coming to steal time from me or our relationship to build walls or to allow him to make excuses or abuse substances.

3. I want a relationship in which God is our everything. Not we ourselves, but God. I will take a back seat to God. After God, I am okay with being second. I don't want to have to compete with friends or ex-girlfriends, or work, or the car, or anyone else, however. It is my turn to feel pampered and loved. When I really like someone, I don't throw away everything, but I do give time to that person, not only because I care, but because I believe that they are special enough to deserve that much.

4. I " " in which he makes time for me without complaining. He does sweet things for no reason and he doesn't mind doing those things that are not expected. I would like to believe that a man can go to the ends of the earth for me and do those things that aren't expected not because he feels obligated, but because he wants to.

5. I want to be able to go on fun trips and truly enjoy myself and do things that I have never done and see things that I have never seen. I want surprises and random jokes. Just plain fun.

6. I want to be able to enjoy plain chill time with his family and with him and my family.

7. I want him to be respectful of my feelings and to be true to his word. No more, I'll call you back and I don't hear from him for days, maybe even weeks or I want to see you soon and I don't see him for months until he decides that he wants to pop up.

8. I want a man with passion, not only for me, but for his life, his job, God, and his family. The rest will follow. What I crave for is a man who is genuine. It's not about what I do or don't do, it's about his genuine care, desire, and concern for me.

9. I want a man who is SINGLE. In my adult life, I don't remember being the only woman. There has always been another woman lurking around somewhere and interesting enough, I am the "other" woman. Typically, I don't know that I am the second as I think that I was the first one until something random and stupid occurs. It's the phrases, I don't want to hear her mouth or I don't want her to know that I was here with you or what's worse is being dodged because he doesn't want the other woman to see you that really hurt the most. Again sometimes other people try to make you feel like you are less because they are less themselves.

10. I want a man who is not ashamed or afraid to give me a title or tell everyone that I am his girl and really mean it. I want him not to be afraid to walk among people he knows holding my hand, or opening doors for me. Clearly, I just want him to give a damn. I don't have time for commitment issues...I don't feel like that's fair.

11. I want a man to appreciate me and to love me without a motive. I don't want to feel like no matter how sweet or kind I am that it doesn't matter. Feeling appreciated is important.

12. I want a man who will not make excuses as to why he can't do something with or for me or be with me for the night or for an event of mine because something else has a higher priority. For once, I want to be a priority or someone truly important or special to him. I don't want to have to compete with anyone or anything else. He will always make time for me and I won't have to wait or be sad because he's "inadvertantly" forgot about me. I will be his special lady, not becasue of what I can do for him, simply because of who I am.

13. Not to put this as last, but I want a man who is nice looking. Someone that I am not grossed out to look at. Very simple...

I think that this is all for now...but it is truly how I feel. Is that too much to ask?