As the my day continues, again I come to the place that I let my mind wonder and think about the fact that I feel like a foreign fish in domestic waters--much like a lioness in a jungle full of house cats or an eagle in a field with chickens. I know that I am much greater than my surroundings, but I get frustrated sometimes. When I think to say that two stupids don't make a smart, I mean that just because someone else is stupid, doesn't mean that I have to subject myself to the same behavior. I am a lady of course, why do I have to act like a chicken when I am an eagle. Yes, people will cause you to act a fool and be out of character on occasionally, but I uphold myself to a greater standard. Today I feel really irritated at a lot of things, but one of them being the fact that I am so over my job. I have very little respect for many of the people there and I have even less hope for my field of work when I look at the way that they work things here. I simply don't have the same vision as they do. I have grown to understand that it is solely and clearly a business. The teachers, or the sales associates are some of the hardest workers with the smallest amount of respect and for that reason, we tend to disrespect each other. Again, hurt people, hurt other people. Do I understand it, yes. Does it make sense, to a degree, yes. Is it right? No. I have made a vow to myself as an educator that when I do get another job that I will not act like my co-workers. I will work for the benefit of the children, not to run over or abuse the other educators...more less I will not use my title to demonstrate that I am better than another educator. That is weak, unChristian-like, and simply a cop-out to indicate that one is "secretly" insecure.
I have been having the hardest time lately with a few things. I am in a similar place as last semester. My tuition is still not paid...2 weeks into the semester, but I decided not to stress about it as the money has been allocated...I just haven't received it and the university hasn't been paid. I have truly enjoyed my internship site so far! It is almost like a 360 degree turn from last semester. Thank GOD!!!! So, some things are working out for me, but I really am trying hard to like other people.
It is sad when you don't really know many people who are of a sane mind, or that are genuinely good people. Everyone is so busy trying to matter in the world that they tend to forget that other people are just as important as they are. Being the very pretty, ugly duckling is like watching everyone else in the world run around and gaining "gifts without repentance" and thinking wow, when is it my turn. I know that I am of greater character than them. It is interesting when I tell about my journey and some of the things that I am doing right now and I hear people say wow or I don't see how you do all of that and stay sane. I feel good and I know that there is great reward in store for me. In a sense, this is similar to Job in the Bible. He lost everything he had and his "friends" kept telling him that he must have done something wrong and that God is not doing this to him because he did not wrong, etc. Job always confessed that for God we would live and for God he would die and in the end, he received double for his trouble. I refuse to believe that God won't do the same for me. One day I will be a swan and the other stupid or should I say ignorant people, will be looking at me saying, wow! I have worked to hard not to believe this. It is amazing that one can go through like and think that he or she has something wrong with them and in reality it is the others who own the problem. So for every person who refused to return my calls when I was in need, refused to help me when they could have, or thought, hmmm she can't go out with us because she is not our "type," it's cool. I believe in reaping, whether it is reaping when you sow bad things or reaping when you sow good things. I refuse to believe that God does not have his hands over my life. Ducklings do come up too. Just because someone is behaving "stupidly" with me does not mean that I have to behave in the same fashion. In other words, they should take the high road and "get on my level!"
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