Chapter 5: What They Want?

I recently went to a single's conference. I truly learned a lot, but it made me look at the emotional aspect of men a little differently. I spoke with several men about marriage and what they believed to be the woman's role in a marriage to be. Along with the interesting answers I heard, I noticed that men get just as emotionally battered as women do sometimes. I always look at how women can be so beat down and hurt and abused by relationships, and the men on the other hand look at though they can bounce back a little faster. In speaking to some of the men, one of the things that was prevelent in our conversation was the fact that they wanted a woman that could cook and clean. The men who had been in relationships where the woman didn't cook nor clean seemed to be bitter about the whole issue as they complained about how the next woman will have to clean and cook or she will not be on the radar for them. I thought...hmmmm....interesting.

A friend of mine recently got out of a relationship with a young lady who did neither...cook or clean. He mentioned some of the same things, such as the next woman will need to cook and clean, etc. When I mentioned what I needed in a relationship, the tables turned rather quickly. I said that the next man needs to treat me like the Queen of Sheba. He needs to be happy seeing me happy and he will be considerate of my feelings and he will be willing to give me the attention that I need. My friend said to me...so you believe the same the other way around don't you? It brought clarity to me when he said that because it made me realize that men don't like to feel like what they are doing is in vain, much like women do. What I really meant by that is that I want to be treated like I am the most precious thing on the planet. After being forgotten and abuse and used, I believe that it is my turn to be pampered. Yes, I am a "ride or die" girlfriend and friend. I do cook and clean and I am a good support person for a man. I will take care of a man. I will make a good wife. Am I asking for too much when I say, I want to be treated like I am special?

We continued our conversation and I realized that he felt just as I did. He felt like he was being mistreated and wanted to be pampered too. So in the real scheme of things, it is important to be considerate of the other person in a relationship. My only reservation is that there is a generation of good men who have been used. The problem is that we both can't be struggling to feel appreciated. I am a good woman and I wonder if I will ever truly get what I deserve from a man. In the conversation with my friend, I told him that I don't believe that he can ultimately give me what I need. When I said that, he says, B you are so sacastic until no man is going to want that from you. At that point I understood him, but I mentioned that everyone has something that they use to keep them safe from the harm of others. Sarcasm is mine.

Ultimately men and women feel the lack of care from each other. I believe that if we both did our jobs in a relationship there would not be a need for the man or the woman to make demands. I honestly believe that if I were treated the way that I deserve, I will go to the ends of the earth to make my man smile and to make him happy. Although I've done it before and not received the love that I deserve, I believe that it is right to treat a man with the respect and love that he deserves. Yes, I do think that some men ask for too much from thier women, but I often wonder am I asking for too much of a man? Is that the reason that I am single? Don't get me wrong, I appreciate my "me time" and I know that I have a lot to offer the world, but could that be the reason for me being single?