Chapter 59: My First Christmas Away

Yesterday was my first Christmas away from home. I spent it in Charlotte, North Carolina with my boyfriend of about two years. This year was different on so many levels as my little brother spent his first Christmas with his family including his new two-month old daughter, Bri. Because the baby is still very small, he had the day activities at his house in Gainesville with my parents and his girlfriend's family. I love my boyfriend very much, but I have to admit that this Christmas was very different and it forced me to really evaluate what Christmas is really for. I couldn't afford to buy him a Christmas gift this year because I ran out of money after buying food for us while I was there and buying things for my plane trip up. I did, get a chance to make gifts before I left, but of course they weren't the usual. I was thankful that he wasn't vain about it and simply said, "Who cares about a gift? My gift is your plane ticket up here." :) I was so glad he said that because I really felt crappy, especially after looking at my parents' faces when they saw what I bought them for Christmas...my parents tend to get upset when they think that I've spent too much money on someone else and not enough on them. My dad even offered to buy my boyfriend a plane ticket to Florida just so that I wouldn't be away from home this year...I guess after years of feeling like he didn't like me or he intentionally was hard on me, I guess I learned that he really does love and like me. :)

We had a very modest Christmas. We had a nice small tree with just gifts for just us and the dog Shadow. We woke up early and he cooked breakfast for me, just as I asked him. It was great. We watched "The Hangover." It was really funny. All in all, my Christmas was uniquely different. I really missed my family and some of the traditions that we have done over the years. Out of my brother and I, I have been the only one to come home for Christmas every years since I was born. Today, I am 28 years old. It is really hard to change things after almost 30 years.

I learned that Christmas is really about Christ and the blessings that he has given us, especially, his life. I learned that Christmas is about connecting with the people that matter the most to you---like family and good friends. For me, I enjoyed spending time with my man--especially since we live in two separate states. We enjoyed laughing and talking to each other all day as we don't get a chance to do that often. Family is especially important. I took the dog out yesterday and as we were walking I looked in the window of another apartment and saw a family putting food on the table---kinda like a grocery store commercial. I thought about my family and how we have parties or just get together on the holidays for no particular reason, other than to be together. We didn't have anyone this year but each other--we are family. I enjoyed spending my time with him even though I felt sad about not being in Florida with my family. I also learned about who my real friends are. I shouldn't feel stupid because I called someone that I consider a friend and they kinda reacted like, why are you calling me so early( 10:00 am)...I thought since we've known each other for 10 years that we could speak to each other early on Christmas. :) I guess not. This Christmas indeed made me think about the direction in which I want my life to go and to think about all that is important to me. I don't regret being here at all because I love him and our days together are few, but it has truly made me think about what real love is and how to sustain it.

It was also very different to be home alone during this time. Unlike my parents, who work in the same profession, my boyfriend and I do not. He works in healthcare and I work in education. I wasn't used to being home alone because when I was growing up, my parents were always off at the same time. I couldn't be angry because I know that my man is working to make a living--especially after the year he has had. My time alone, is indeed secondary, but different. All in all, being able to be here is a blessing all by itself. If I had to do it all over again, I would do the very same thing. I have to grow up and do my own thing at some point and this is it. :)