I heard Mary J. Blige (MJB) say on The BET Honors show the other day that she had to hit "rock bottom" before things made sense in and about this thing we call life. It was then that she really began to pray and that is when her husband walked into her life. I can completely understand her. As I look at pictures of myself over the years that I have lived in this area and I evaluate my life, I can relate. I'm not sure that I hit rock bottom, but I will say I have been in some low places, emotionally for several years. MJB also mentioned that she didn't have anyone around her to help her in that regard to make her life better. I have been there too. Much can be said about how everyone is out for themselves and in most of my cases, many people have taken away from me instead of giving to me. I know that God not only sustained, and continues to sustain , my mind through all of my struggles, he also perserved my relationship with the woman who introduced me to my boyfriend. Over the years she watched me go through quite a bit including many abusive relationships that I have had. She was able to see things about me that I didn't coherently and possibly, intentionally see. I know that simply for that reason alone, I believe that my relationship with my boyfriend was meant to be.
It is no mistake that I have wanted to visit and possibly live in the Charlotte, NC area for the last few years. I lost that desire, however when I thought about how lonely it would be and the costs and risks of leaving everything and everybody that I knew...so I bought a home here in Florida. It is also no mistake that I have dreamed about going to the Virgin Islands for years. I'm not sure why I have dreamed of these things, but they were placed in my heart for such a reason as this...the man I love. My love lives in Charlotte and he's a native the U.S. Virgin Islands.
I love him because in many ways he has given me a reason to change the people, places, and things that I have allowed myself to be around. I've changed those things not because he told me to or anything like that, but because I don't have a desire for those things anymore. He doesn't seek to tell me what to do. He has helped me to think about things much differently. I look at culture a little differently as well . People of African descent are uniquely different and I have been exposed to many cultures, but I never really and truly became open-minded until now. I have also thought about doing bigger and better things in a way that I never have. I have always had my family to support me, but I now have someone else in my corner. He continues to be proud of me and he encourages me to do better than what I done in the past. He helps me to be a better woman--a happier woman.
I love him because he loves me back. He accepts me as I am and he loves the things that I thought were almost "unloveable." He is truly my best friend. He is someone with whom I can be honest and vulnerable. He is the reason that I really and truly smile again. I don't have to try and think about whether he is real or sincere because it is an assurance that I have about it. It is an inward happiness that I have. I'm not worried about whether he will be outwardly and purposely be abusive or rude or unfair because I am confident in my love for him. While I am not naive about the evil that many men can do, I do know this for sure, I will not and cannot be fooled with anyone who is cantankerous or even dangerous. I don't feel any of that about him. Even if something should happen today--God forbid--I know that my position in this relationship is purposeful. I am here to learn as well as love and give love. I do believe that this moment in my life is written in the stars. This is why I love him. He is really my "knight in shining honor." I'm glad he's mine! :)
...and the church said..AMEN! :)
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