Chapter 37: Trying to do the right thing

In the midst of all the craziness that has happened this year, there have been a lot of good happenings for me lately. Today was my last day at my internship site. I can't describe the way that I felt. It was a normal day for the most part, I worked hard and got a lot accomplished. It was interesting that it strangely felt so much like any other day. I didn't sense a complete feeling of ending. Earlier this week, the secretarial staff, the counselors, and the administrators gave me a going away party. I was truly shocked!!!! I definately wasn't expecting that! I had a whole chocolate cake, white chocolate roses, and a gift with a card. Total surprise. After feeling unwanted, underqualified, ignored, and over-worked, it felt good to know that someone other than family thought highly of me and took the time out to do something nice for me without wanting something in return. These people looked out for me in ways that I couldn't have imagined! Thank God. Today on the last day, it was really interesting to see that when I was about to leave that everyone in the office came out to give me hugs and well wishes. Even the principal came out to give me a hug and send me well wishes! The principal. That is unheard of. It just felt really good. I am amazed at myself because I didn't cry after my last day of class or when I got my cap and gown, but for some reason, I cried when I left the internship site. I'm not sure if it is because of a feeling of relief after all of the stress or because I will genuinely miss the people there. I know that each day when I go to my teaching job, I don't feel the same way. The people there are strikingly different. Whatever the reason may be, I'm not sure of, but I'm soo grateful to have had this experience. I learned that I can really use some of the things that I learned in school. You can really be a counselor in a world where people don't really counsel. I'm so glad that I stepped out on faith and for this, I am glad that I did the right thing. I guess if I never felt so hurt and unappreciated from my co-workers at the high school, I wouldn't have tried to move on to another school. It's crazy, but thank God for the stress.

On another note, I'm trying to do the right thing in terms of my relationships with men. I met a young man that I happen to like very much...which is very new to me. I'm trying to take things slowly because I'm so worried about being hurt again or even possibly breaking someone else's heart. I don't want to do that. I don't think that it's fair, neither is it right. He is wonderful so far. He's genuinely sweet, very intelligent, passionate about what he loves, and he has a vision for his life. I really like that. He's also a lot like me. It is very weird. To be honest, I wasn't initially physically attracted to him. I'm not sure if I gave myself time to look at him in that regard as he was sent to me by one of my supervisors from college. I think she felt a little bad for me given all of the years of telling her that I didn't have a man or her hearing about all of the craziness in my life in that area. She told me that she sent me a friend as she wasn't sure if he was my type. But after I gave myself time to think about it and I looked at him, I realized that I really do like him. I prayed to be able to understand what I am thinking and I also prayed for a man that I was attracted to. I just asked God to help me to do the right thing. So far, I am enjoying the ride! I enjoy his company and I have a lot of fun with him. I am thankful for this. I say all of that to say, that I am sincerely trying to do the right thing. It is so easy to be bitter and frustrated and numb because of mistreatment or bad relationships so I am trying my hardest not to be. Whatever happens with this at this stage in my life is okay. It just feels good to be appreciated and to be in good company. Maybe this is a lesson for me...I don't know, but I like this. God is good!